5 Things I've Learned Living with PMDD
April is PMDD Awareness Month, and I was so stinkin excited to find out after seeing a lot of fellow PMDD sisters popping up on Instagram. I was also really bummed that I discovered it two days before the month was over. So last evening, I wrapped up PMDD Awareness Month reflecting. I’ve thought about my journey with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and wondered why anxiety and a fuzzy brain were appearing while looking back. Then I checked my calendar and realized we are absolutely approaching the beginning of my cycle, and reminded myself where that anxiety was coming from…I suppose all too fitting to write about PMDD as I’m about to enter the time where my symptoms are more prominent.
I started writing this article, which led me to Googling more on Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and I happened to come across The International Association for Premenstrual Disorders. My heart felt like a hug seeing an entire community of people advocating, researching, raising awareness, and providing tools to help people understand what PMDD is, how medical professionals can assist in treatment, and how to recognize if you have it with a self screen. Please please take a moment looking around their site! It provides so many amazing resources no matter who you are.
My Experience and What I’ve Learned
Living with PMDD is hard…let me see if I can describe what it feels like. Think to a time when maybe you pronounced a certain word or phrase in one way, and that moment you realize that you’ve been saying it wrong all along…everyone else says it differently. If you haven’t done that yourself (I’ve got some good stories of it happening to me), perhaps you’ve watched someone in their moment of realization.
Living with PMDD can feel a little like the same way in the beginning. You’re absolutely a warrior. It is my understanding the those of us living with this disorder, our bodies have a hard time processing when our hormones eb and flow. Our levels hormones change multiple times a month. But for a long time I thought that this is just what people felt like when they had their period. The same way we didn’t know a word should be said differently, there might have been a time where we didn’t know that our life should feel differently too.
I didn’t realize that most people don’t have to go home because their monthly migraine is so bad. I didn’t realize that most people don’t have to cherish the week after their period because it’s the only time their stomach doesn’t feel incredibly bloated. I didn’t realize that most people, the day before their period is going to start, don’t anxiously call their boyfriend’s best friend crying because they are worried, and want to make sure he really likes you. (Eddie, thanks for being a good friend and the chats, and you were right…all is well.)
I’m really grateful that in regards to the items mentioned above, I’ve learned more about PMDD and that I have it…those feelings aren’t ‘normal’, I have grace with myself, and I’ve learned some ways to treat or care for my body when those things are happening. So today as I reflect, I’d like to share a few of those things with you too:
You have the right to feel better
Doctors visits begin to pile up, confusion can set in. PMDD can be a long journey. Sometimes it can be easy to say “maybe this is just what my life looks and feels like.” But I absolutely believe that you have the right to feel better. So whether that is doing your research to call up a new doctor, trying a new form of treatment like a nutritionist, or advocating for research studies, I don’t believe these symptoms are something we have to live with. Even getting my headaches a little less severe has made my life so much better. Stay curious about how your life can feel better too.
Advocate for yourself, and don’t back down
I’ve found myself crying and without energy in the doctor’s office after yet another answer that they don’t know what’s wrong. I know it can be draining. Use the fact sheets that IAPMD shared, know how you feel, and speak up. You are paying for that service and you can be clear about what you need. Remember that it might be a journey with your medical professional, but the right one will agree to be on that journey with you. Give yourself a break, and then go out and find the one who works best with you.
Get in touch and communicate your feelings with yourself and others.
This is perhaps the biggest area that has changed over the years, and I feel so incredibly grateful for the work that I have done. I’ve gone from worrying that Will would break up with me and not knowing why, to being able to recognize when I feel triggered, and openly communicate with Will that a bit of sadness or anxiety is popping up. It allows us both to recognize where my body is at, and provide a little extra care and breathe those few days. It’s being able to recognize with myself when I’m feeling a heightened emotion, to feel it and observe it, and not allow it to consume my day. Rather, I know it is there, and have ways to feel it at times that are appropriate, or acknowledge it and let it pass on.
You can try something today, but it doesn’t have to be forever
I’ve tried everything from birth control, to no dairy or gluten, to anti-depressants for treatment. Some of these I was totally willing to do at first. I can’t even remember how many birth-control brands I’d tried before they put my on a three month one…which worked for a while until all of a sudden I experienced what I imagine was depression and it was the darkest thing I’ve felt. I stopped taking it and never took the pill again…I’ve now found out that makes sense because my body can’t handle the extra hormones.
While I didn’t realize it, and am an advocate for others taking medication, I didn’t realize how much stigma I held when taking it myself. I wrote all about it if you’d like to read. But I finally recognized that this may be what my body needs. And I know that while I can try it and take it now, and my symptoms did feel a bit better, I can always stay curious about treatments that I can continue to try to make my life even better.
YOU. ARE. BRAVE!
I feel emotional writing this one. I’ve seen people shy away from mental health, for fear of judgement, of not being strong, or worrying what others will think. And I’ve felt it too. That vulnerable feeling of “should I really be sharing this?” “is something wrong with me?” “what do my family members think?” oh I know those feelings too, even as a mental health advocate. So I want to leave you with remembering that standing up for yourself, your body, and your life is always a brave thing. This should not be a taboo topic and it should not be something that has shame around it. You are a strong and courageous person on your journey with health for your body…just like everyone else. And if nothing else, I want you to know that I believe that about you.
Remember to take the days you need. Sometimes that is taking a seat and giving yourself a hug, sometimes that is standing up and using your voice. Sometimes it is a mix of both. We are on this PMDD journey and whether you are a PMDD warrior, or a friend, family member, or advocate of those who are, I think it’s amazing that we are having this conversation together.