Welcome 2021
Not one for resolutions, I find a certain energy in looking back on the past year, the moments that stand out, the things I’d like to carry with me and hold in my heart. And I find a sense of wonder looking ahead at this fresh beginning and the moments that lie ahead. Today, I invite you to pull up a chair, a coffee or glass of wine in hand, and to join in for this “Late Night Conversation” as I look back on 2020.
Of course, this year feels a bit different, for reflecting also looks back on so much pain. And the pains we’ve seen this year continue on in many ways. I recognize what a privilege it is to say I’ve seen silver linings or beautiful moments this year. For if you experienced first hand the many forms of trauma that have filled this last year, I can only imagine the feelings flooding your head and heart that are far from light or beautiful. As I reflect on this year, I am holding space in my own head and heart for this weight, and I’m recognizing the moments or things that carried me through. What a stark difference it is to be on the verge of tears for so much terrible loss, and feel such a sense of gratitude, all at the same time.
From my life and my work, and what I understand to be true, 2020 has shed light on some universal ways of what it means to be human, to love, to be seen. These are the moments I’ll share here today. I’m also sharing a short New Years message on the podcast, available here or on Apple or Spotify:
Connection Comes in Many Ways.
This year has taught me what happens when we are simply willing to reach out. Not a fan of the “social” distancing phrase, I prefer to think of it as our physical distancing that required us to change the way we connect. In January, a strong female entrepreneur, Jeni Britton Bauer, sat down with me for coffee. I couldn’t believe it, and asked Jeni what it was that had her agree to meet with me. I learned that when we authentically want to connect with someone, all we need to do is reach out.
This year, I’ve had the greatest joy of connecting with so many incredible individuals, all with so many different skills, talents, and stories. We’ve messaged over Instagram, sometimes discussing heavy things or moments of light. We’ve shared meals together virtually and shared those conversations over the podcast. I’ve learned connection doesn’t always need to be face-to-face. For I now see and deeply feel these connections all over the country and the world. How beautiful.
I’ve also appreciated what it means to connect with ourselves. Giving ourselves the space to feel when we are tired, when we are overwhelmed, making space for joy. The change of pace in the last year has created space and silence to really sit with ourselves, something we may never know is missing until we do it. What a powerful space to be in that feels awfully scary at moments, and like such connection and growth too.
Therapy Matters.
It’s no secret I think everyone should go to therapy…what a great place to pause and walk through our life! And yet, I had put it off my own personal therapy for a long time or just went here and there. (I told myself I could use that money elsewhere… etc. etc.) This year, I finally made a practice of attending near weekly individual therapy again. It had been years, and I wish I had done it sooner. I think our lives deserve it.
I realized I can tell you a lot about what I think or experience, but have a pretty hard time recognizing and sitting in how I feel. I’ve done meditations with my therapist that left me in a puddle, for it was an opportunity to feel so deeply. I’ve begun paying attention to my body, tracking how I feel, speaking up and advocating for myself. I’ve made my first psychiatrist appointment for the new year, I’ve begun listening to my body for what I want to eat or drink.
Time Outside.
The pandemic hit at one of the most beautiful times of year in Houston. So, when we were staying home, I found myself spending time on our porch or taking walks. Those mornings, sitting on the porch, hearing the mourning doves, slowly watching our plants grow. Smelling the Jasmine, seeing the sun rise, feeling it get cooler. This year, not only did I find beauty in being outside, but that very act reminded me of what it means to slow down. I learned the importance of engaging our senses for our mental health. For perhaps we were moving so quickly that we didn’t realize what it meant to sit on the porch with our morning coffee. Seeing those simple joys has become a value in my life I intend to keep.
Marriage.
I wish I could find eloquent words to express the deep feeling in my heart. This year, gratitude has been mentioned frequently as a tool to take care of our minds. When I do those exercises, I often find myself in tears. I’m filled with the deepest joy looking at my home, my best friend, our little family of the three of us (Will, Mia, and I). I’m reminded that this year wasn’t all seamless or bliss in our home, for we most certainly had hard days. What I always know is that we show up for each other, in moments when we are challenged, and most certainly in moments of joy, we continue to find ways to share our minds and hearts with each other. We’ve always prioritized growing together, in our home, in therapy, and as a family. This year has brought into stark contrast how grateful I am for Will.
Spend Time with Yourself.
If you knew me in college, you knew I hated being alone. Slowly, over the years, I poked around with this idea of alone time. Today (pre-pandemic), you’ll find me opting to stay in on the weekend over making plans, and savoring little moments to myself. This year called me to realize the importance of learning to spend time with ourselves. Have you paused to just sit, and be in your life and in your home for a few moments? Have you given yourself a moment to sit in your feelings, however heavy or bright they may be? I’ve begun prioritizing daily meditation on the Headspace app to start my day, or when my mind feels busy. I’ve also felt like I’ve finally had the space to listen to myself. Perhaps what I’m needing the most in a day, if I’m tired I let myself sleep when I can, if I’m energized I find ways to create. Getting curious with yourself about your feelings, your values, and how they are showing up in your life is important, and this year reminded me of that.
I’ve also been fortunate enough to start a dream internship with colleagues and work that fill my heart. I’ve been creating on the side, and plotting about what aligns both with my personal goals, and that for our family. Spend time thinking about your values and how those are showing up in your life. Do you want to learn something new or grow in a certain area? Is there a certain goal you are working towards or perhaps are you feeling really great just where you are? I’m looking forward to continue investing some time in myself in the new year through these avenues.
The Joy of the Kitchen.
Finally, and certainly not least, I’ve discovered the joy of the kitchen. I felt pretty trendy to say I’d started baking bread last year, and I’ve long loved the idea of gathering around the table. Yet again, though we couldn’t be here in person, I’ve discovered new recipes with all of you. I’ve traveled through food. I’ve learned what cooking can do for our mental health. I can’t wait to continue gathering around this virtual table we’ve created.
This year, I’ll never forget finally having an abundance of time to be, in my home, with my family. I’ll never forget this article from the New York Times and the vivid details of what it meant to be an essential worker, a human, in the height of the pandemic in New York City. I’ll never forget a conversation with Jeni Britton Bauer that led to the launch of Sunshine, a quickly sold out ice cream flavor inspired by Depressed Cake Shop, that sparked conversation around mental health. I’ll never forget the gift of spending 7 weeks with my mother and sister-in-law in one of Will and I’s most cherished places, watching Mia learn to swim, and spending time cooking together. I’ll never forget the guilt of choosing to drive there.
And of course, I’ll never forget all of you. Somehow, in a year of so much physical disconnection, I’ve never felt more connected. It has been the greatest gift to meet so many of you for the first time, for exchanging thoughtful messages and ideas, for real conversation. Thank you for showing up with your head and heart, for in doing so you’ve most certainly touched mine.
With warmth,
Tay